Do you ever wonder what people generations from now will think of us? Will they un-Earth the rubbish from the Rock and Roll hall of fame and equate what they find with kings and queens? Will our society be looked on as sophisticated in it's debauchery? The more I read the news the more I think of these things. There are people much smarter then me that spend their lives looking at ancient (or very old at the least) documents and artifacts and put together a picture of what life must have been like then. One day it will be our lives they're looking back upon. What will they find? Or more precisely what will they think? Obviously there's no way to know but it's always on the tip of my brain.
More on the tip of my brain. We're trying to re-fi and save money blah blah blah Turns out the house needs all sorts of repairs before the re-fi can go through. Figures. I guess it's time to get up off of our butts and do stuff that we knows needs to be done but hasn't been done because of lack of time or money.
So I didn't get the BCTR thing. I guess it's for the best. I really want to apply to the MAT@USC program. I think I'm meant to do it. But I'm scared. Scared of a myriad things. What if I don't get in. What if I do. When will I have time to do the work. How will we afford my student teaching days. How will we afford to pay back the student loans. Will the care of my daughter suffer because I'm in school. Will the house be a filthy gross mess when I don't have time to lean it. Or will my schoolwork suffer while I try to me super mom, work full time and take care of a house. .... oh the list goes on. But I always fear change and the unknown. The idea of not being in charge scares me. The thought of failure scares me more. But the scariest of all is the thought of being stuck in a dead end job for the rest of my life because I've always been afraid to just jump and go after what I really want. This will be good for me, my daughter and my husband in the long run. The first year will be the worst but we can make it especially since a better life awaits us on the other side.
