The part where I rant about child develpment

For quite awhile I’ve been disenchanted with those books that tell you what your child should be able to do at a certain age. You know the ones, “What to expect….” I started reading this series when I was pregnant. At the time I grew convinced that all they do is increase ones level of paranoia and that’s the last thing I needed when I was already having problems with the pregnancy.

The distaste for these books, and others like them grew as Alex grew. Sure there are helpful bits here and there; like how to know when to freak out over an illness or when to ride it out. But really even the helpful bits are just common sense on a page. So at some point I vowed never to read these damned books again. But there was a problem. I already owned them, so there they sat in the corner of the bookshelf. Lurking. Taunting. Singing their siren song. All to get me to read them.

But I held strong. Well I held strong until I’d had enough of Jason trying to convince me that our daughter is ‘behind’. Clearly Alex is practically perfect in every way but Jason continually and unintentionally compares her to a little girl at day care -and if said girl heard me refer to her as a little girl she would raise quite a raucous as she is in fact a big girl that uses the potty and everything- that happens to be 1 year and 4 months older then our little head. Now in, say, 3 years, that age difference won’t really mean didly except to the school system. But now it makes all the difference in the world.

So out came the damned book. I had to prove to my husband that our daughter is doing precisely the sorts of things she ought to be doing. Well I found something entirely different. Yep she’s even more awesome then we thought. I offer the following as proof.

From What to Expect the Toddler Years copyright 1996, New York

Chapter Nine; the Twenty-Second Month
By the end of this month your toddler
…should be able to :
use 6 words
walk up steps
…will probably be able to:
build a tower of 4 cubes
follow a 2 step command without gestures
…may possibly be able to:
build a tower of 6 cubes
identify 4 pictures by pointing
wash and dry hands
…may even be able to:
jump up

And really for the fun of it let’s see what she should do by the time she’s 3

Chapter Sixteen; the 34th to 36th Months
By 3 years old your toddler
…should be able to
identify 4 pictures by naming
wash and dry hands
identify a friend by naming
throw a ball overhand
speak and be understood half of the time
carry on a conversation of 2 or 3 sentences
use prepositions
… will probably be able to:
use 2 adjectives
put on a t-shirt
broad jump
… may possibly be able to:
balance on each foot for 2 seconds
describe the use of 2 objects
…may even be able to:
prepare a bowl of cereal
copy a circle
dress without help
identify 4 colors

Now before I dive into how awesome my daughter really is I feel it’s important to state that I think this entire ‘kids should do y by x age’ thing is a load of crap. As long as a child has the basics the rest will come. Everyone develops at their own pace. It all evens out around the age of 4 anyway.

I’m glad that’s cleared up because it’s now time to go down the lists above and assuage any fear that anyone may have that Alex isn’t where she should be regardless of her level of perfection.

• 6 words? Ha! She had 6 word a year ago. I don’t know how many words she knows but it sure is a lot.

• She’s been going up and down steps since about a month after she could walk. Now she can even go back down them like a big girl (stepping, going forward)

• Yeah last time we played blocks she stacked 10….then promptly knocked them over and giggled manically.

• Is she a dog that she should follow commands? Yeah she does any way and can even follow like 3 step directions.

• She can identify way more then 4 pictures by pointing. Not to mention how often she’ll just look at a picture point and tell us what it is.

• She’s more then happy to wash and dry her hands…when we let her. Usually she’s stuck with a baby wipe to wipe off her hands and face, which is fine for all of us.

• She’s working on jumping up…. We think that there’s a fear factor here. She’ll happily jump (or flomps) on our bed all day but on a hard surface not so much.

• Not listed above but in one of the chapters in between something about kicking a ball is listed. Yeah she’s been kicking play balls for months. Not her favorite thing to do but she’s capable, just stubborn (gee wonder where that comes from).

• Everyone whose name she knows she calls by name. Well as long as she can and wants to. She will gladly tell you about Baby Wowan, Teagan, Jules, and Cordy not to mention Tom (from next door) and many others. Shown pictures of any of the people she knows and she’ll tell you who they are.

• If she says it you can understand it about 75% of the time. That’s not just me as mommy talking. She may not speak in sentences but you know what she’s saying when she speaks to you.

• Her overhand ball throwing skills aren’t going to earn her a place pitching for little league just yet. But the ball usually goes forward.

• She certainly can take off a t-shirt and she’s working on pants. Regardless of her distaste for getting dressed she can put on panties (even if she still wears diapers) and can get a short mostly on.

• While pointing at something and saying in 2-3 words what it does isn’t the same as describing what something does-it’s a step in that direction..

• 4 colors? By 3? Really? She can say and correctly point out black, white, pink, purple, green and yellow. She also knows orange and grey though she chooses not to say so. Admittedly sometimes she jut says the first color that comes to mind but she knows her colors…or at least as many colors as she needs to.

In addition to the aforementioned awesomeness – she understands what a potty is for and how to use a potty. But her little bladder isn’t quite ready to use the potty. Of course there are all the animals and animal sounds she knows but that list could take awhile. And finally in the realm of ‘yep my child is awesome’ not only can she count to 2 on her own but she knows what it means-and how long it will take- when mommy counts to 3 (usually means stop what you’re doing or get spanks) or 5 (going to turn off the bath water thus ending playtime in running water).

Am I proud of my little girl? Oh good Lord yes. Would I be proud of her without a BS list? Yep. I mean just 22 months ago we hadn’t seen her face yet. 20 months ago she couldn’t so much as roll over. 12 months ago she couldn’t walk. 6 months ago she couldn’t help me in the kitchen. 4 months ago she needed help getting up onto her ‘helping stool’. And a month ago she could barely blow bubbles herself. What is there not to be proud of? I see her grow and learn daily. It’s truly amazing. You’d have to have a heart of stone to not be proud of that.

Let’s face it everyone thinks his or her kid is super awesome. It’s your job as a parent. So why do we need lists to tell us how truly awesome our kid is? Most kids balance out by 4 years old. There are some parents who have atypically developing children that need a little extra time to catch up to their peers, if they ever do.

My point is this. These lists make me think, even more then usual, that my daughter is Super-kid. But the truth of the matter is that her development now has little to do with how she’ll cope with life later. For that she’ll need to know she has a safe place to land. And to me that’s far more important then any stupid list.

For crying out loud, she’s a child, some might even say baby. Let’s let her be one and have fun. Whatever happened to just letting babies be babies? Do we really think that any of us will get to be old and think ‘man I really should have spent less time with my family’ or ‘I should have had less fun’? For my part I want her to have a joy and zest for life and love for everyone around her. You don’t get that from some stupid list. You get it from your heart. A heart that needs to be nurtured now far more than we need to worry about checking crap off of a list.