NSF...well...TS or EO...

That is this post is not suitable for the easily offended or squeamish. It has nothing to do with her miniature cuteness and everything to do with a very random rant. So if you're either squeamish or easily offended or even if you just plain don't like things not having to do with babies, look away now. Really it's for your own good. Go ahead. I'll wait while you navigate away from this post.

OK. so only the not faint of heart are left, yes? Then we move along.

I have a pretty long and sometimes horrific commute to and from work. You may wonder how one puts up with being in the car for hours by herself. Or you don't care. Either way I'm going to tell you. I think of ridiculous things, daydream and try to remain calm as large trucks inevitably try to kill me. I can't die, I have a daughter who needs me. Stupid trucks.

I digress.

Never let it be said that I would want to be a guy. Without going into a rant in an entirely different direction, that would be far more serious than I would like to be just now, the only real upshots of being a guy involve peeing standing up and lack of a monthly visitor. Really, I think boys are cool and stuff. I mean I DID marry one. So they, like, have their uses and stuff but I'm pretty glad I'm not one.

Yet I find myself quite often thinking, or saying, the phrase "If I had balls I would make {insert whatever is pissing me off just then} suck them." Now I understand that this may be difficult for some of you to believe as it doesn't fit with my gentile feminine mystique. *snicker* But alas I say it quite often.

This brings me back to the part where I remind you that I don't want to be a boy. Nor do I particularly want boy parts. It seems that they'd be messy and a pain to deal with (in more ways then one). And uncomfortable. But alas my rage needs retribution.

So I think we should make gross little balls, that are kind of hair and sticky and stinky, that I can throw at people, or more specifically their cars, when they piss me off. I don't want them to hurt anyone but I do want them to visit my annoyance back on them.

I was thinking of this on my way home yesterday and I have kind of an idea of what they'd be made of. And they'd have to be cheap. After all you don't want to hurl something out of your car on the beltway if you paid more then a dollar for it. My crunchiness be damned though because I need them to also be biodegradable. This is seeming impossible.

Meh. Back to the drawing board I guess. Voice activated LED scrolling display? Water guns that come out of the front of my car James Bond style? Hover craft? Who knows? But I think that if a few people started deploying any of these maybe the world and the beltway would be a better place.